Complicated theory called “Love”

Few days back I came across a write up, which was apparently an answer to the question asked by a 16 year old girl, “what is love”? Mother of all questions which is yet to be discovered and answered and documented properly. It reminds me of the time when I was a young teenager studying in one of the town schools in Mumbai. I had a bunch of close friends and we all didn’t realise when our little innocent talks had wavered off to discussing boys. At the end of the school a school bus would drop us home and we, while passing marine drive would count the number of couples sitting their having a cosy moment. We used to wonder who would have initiated the conversation and how they ended up being a couple.
And then came the era of reading all romantic novels and watching all romantic movies. And obviously as thirteen year olds we were starry eyed and would discuss what kind of boys we would like to date and go out with. Not to mention our talks wouldn’t go beyond their looks, hairstyle, dressing sense and popularity. For us love meant going on romantic dates, candle light dinner, holding hands and going for long walk, talking endlessly, exchanging gifts and of-course there were ‘n’ number of feelings involved which was foreign to our body and brain. How naive and innocent it sounds now, sometimes I feel like going back to being thirteen again where love didn’t mean understanding and dealing with the complications of relationship, it didn’t mean waking up in the morning and making tea and supervising breakfast, lunch and dinner, it didn’t mean doing laundry every day or dealing with maids and buying groceries, it didn’t mean spending quarter of the month with plumber, electricians and carpenters, it didn’t mean fighting over who’s turn it is to switch off the lights or to get the newspaper from out, it didn’t mean keeping the house perfect and clean, and it obviously didn’t mean no matter how much you clean the bathroom and try and keep it dry you will always find it dirty and wet. The list is endless. I guess the subject love is a little difficult to understand and there are innumerable definitions to make it more complicated but yes when you are not scared of doing all the “didn’t mean” things mentioned above for someone unconditionally, you know you are in love and that is precisely love. Doing the easy and romantic side of love is simple but accepting it with all the baggage this four letter word comes with is not so simple and when that becomes simple you know finally, “what is love”?

Our segregated society

I don’t quite remember how it all started, the best I have off-pat is around more than a decade ago Archana Puran Singh in her patent style used to say in a TV show “sporting a bright colour this monsoon ‘very H.S.’ gossiping loud sitting in a posh restaurant ‘very L.S.” and I think it stuck with me from that time onwards.
I, with few of my close friends took pride in making a list of what’s L.S and what’s H.S. and obviously it was as per our convenience. What ever we did, wore or spoke became a landmark and very H.S. (high society) and things that we didn’t approve of became very tacky, down market and L.S (Low Society).
With time I have matured and I would like to believe that I have turned into a very gracious and a well mannered lady. Back then it was all about dressing up, kind of people one hung around with and petty little things that decided the demarcation that we drew for H.S. and L.S. but now I have moved on to things which are universal.
Certain behaviour traits which is very infuriating and it’s demonstrated by people who are otherwise well turned out and very polite… for e.g. (this list is based on my personal experience)

Going on about their income and the kind of bonus they make or asking others about their income.
Bitching about their mother-in-law or in law’s in general.
Putting down someone on their face with tacky comments.
Showing off their recent purchase, which is not bad, but going on about the price without being asked certainly is.
Arguing with their maids, drivers in high pitch voice.
Discussing one’s sex life in detail.

I think I will go on forever so I will take a break but not before mentioning one more thing. I think the tackiest of all is girl’s going on a shopping spree on their boy friend’s expense. I was reading this month’s issue of Verve (I normally don’t read this regularly but this month’s issue was on bridal collection therefore I bought it). They chose Amisha Patel as their muse. No doubt she was photographed in some very pretty couture and jewellery, which I enjoyed looking at, but in her interview she went overboard and it presented her as not only snobbish (which is an understatement) but also very tacky and downmarket.
She went on raving about how brand conscious she is and how she loved to shop at France and London as a child which was still fine. But it almost got unbearable when she went on about her “poor boyfriend” that how he went mad locating a limited edition Dior ‘Jazz’ bag in pink for her birthday. And when asked about if they are a good match, all she had to say was, ‘we have similar Dolce & Gabbana and Valentino belts, and have matched them with similar colour t-shirts and shirts.’ I mean c’mon, I am sure there is more to that man than some belts and shirts. If anything else all she mentioned was how he took her for a holiday to the Maldives or showed her around the hotspots of London in his Ferrari with a personalised yellow number plate.
As if almost on cue the poor guy called her up to say I am happy to get married to you in a jeans and a t-shirt (mentioned in her interview).I am sure there are lot of us out there who can afford lot of things in this world but going on about it in this manner is really L.S. and downmarket.

Wedding Bells and blues

I am getting married this November and I am quite looking forward to it. Most of my friends are married save one or two and few have gone ahead and are done with their family planning stint as well so taking all this into account; I have a long way to catch up.
Sometimes it amazes me that i am actually getting married (its actually taking its time to sink in), I had started believing that all good guys are either taken or gays but sad our lovely Madonna was wrong (she was the one to quote that, isn't it?).
I came across a nice guy and here we are, though at times he is a devil (and there are moments when i really want to hit him but so what?) like when I am in a secluded corner (called kitchen cooking something for him) he switches off all the lights, hides in a spooky corner and poor me (who is unaware of his devilish act) go out looking for him saying, 'honey, just taste this and tell me how is it?' And before i can even complete my sentence he jumps from some where behind and scares the hell out of me and I end up crying (sometimes, not always). This really gives me creep so much so that I even avoid going to bathrooms if he is around (i know it sounds like one of those Ramsay horror story idea but i still get scared). Funny isn’t it but not for me.
Anyway, I was never in favour of a lavish wedding, or so I would like to believe now (well, registry wedding was what I kept driving my mind towards) but to be very honest there was this small very tiny voice which kept ringing in my head, ‘are you mad? After all you get married only once’ (Ekta’s K series are an exception though and I can vouch that no one leads that kind of lifestyle even the bollywood stars and the crazy socialites, huh!). Well so where were we? Yeah my wedding plans. So from a registry wedding it went up to having a wedding ceremony with a small party (count 300 guests) at a suburban five star hotel. But again I am being honest here, I have nothing to do with all this, we are merely puppets and the strings are in the hands of our respective parents. I just kept nodding my head and from a simple wedding it went up to a not so simple wedding. But, what the hell as I said earlier we get married only once. I am actually quite enjoying myself planning, shopping, organising its fun and its all the more fun when you are crazy about the person you are getting married to. I really feel blessed right now. Anyway it’s getting quite emotional and I should probably stop now.
And amidst all this lot of people kept asking me something about the wedding blues and I kept saying no blues and greens for me I am happy and quite excited “touchwood”.But after being asked so much, for fun I read an article on pre-wedding blues which asked to list down habits of your fiancé which irritates you or scares you or makes you feel anxious or really annoys you. I had already listed around five points in my head while reading it but the next sentence read something like this, ‘not accompanying you for shopping of clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, cosmetics and jewelleries or not showing eagerness to watch a romantic movie etc are discounted’. Now what else could irritate me except that the article for sure was written by a man? So I stopped reading any further and decided I am just one lucky bride to not get any wedding blues.

Jaane tu...ya Jaane na

I haven’t watched anything in a very long time now that took me back to my college days. I know I am a little late in writing a review for this movie therefore I won’t. I’ll just talk about what memories the movie left me with. Well no doubt there were few tit bits here and there which were totally filmy but then c’mon, what do we expect, it’s a Hindi movie. But in the end it was super fun. It just reminded me of the time before I started going to college (which was long, long ago) about the long cherished fantasies I had in store about college, like:

Finally, I can get rid of my school uniform and can step in something sexier and smarter and can wear make-up without anyone questioning my act.
I don’t have to attend college and can spend the entire day in the canteen.
I officially can start dating and will end up meeting somebody really cool and happening and he will have eyes just for me (like shown in so many hindi movies).
I can go to night clubs every weekend and dance till wee hours.
And so on and so forth. Well, I was disappointed. None of the above came true. But it was fun, nonetheless. We did bunk sometimes, we did doll up once in a while, we did go to night clubs occasionally, and I did meet guys who were fascinating (atleast for the first few days to say the least, I shouldn’t be elaborating much on this topic since I am engaged). And this movie reminded me of all those countless good times that I have had back then and the memories were stored somewhere deep down in some part of my brain and I had no time to go and visit that part. Keep making such movies, we need more of Jaane tu…ya jaane na.

Those Geography lessons

We all have our share of funny and embarrassing moments in our lives. I remember few in particular which were funny as well as embarrassing and are worth sharing and there are some which I would like to bury deep with in me, I might be able to get over them in another thirty or forty years, and no way, I am never telling them to anyone.
The one problem I have always had is studying geography back in school. Well, looking back I feel its not only geography but damn chemistry too that used to get on my nerves; I could never balance the equation and nor could remember the chemical formulas. Physics was worst I better not talk about it. I could never understand what the hell Newton (with all due respect) discovered and why there are so many laws and mathematical problems based on that. And yeah mathematics, I barely managed to pass in that subject in my high school and swore to myself that never in my life I am studying math again. Well, lets get back to the topic now. All the subjects were boring and difficult but I used to hate geography the most. I still have problems (my directions are so poor). Anyway I am drifting away; I should stick to the topic (now that you all know about my academic performance).
Back in school (6th Grade) in our geography class we were playing boys’ v/s gals Antakshari, the only difference was instead of songs we had to take name of a city and explain a bit about it. We girls had to think of something starting with ‘W’ in 10 seconds and very proudly I said Washington and also managed few tit-bits like it was the Capital city of America and the President of the country lives there in White house, all of a sudden I hear the guys replying Cairo and with all the energy I could muster I started yelling on top of my voice, “you have to say something beginning with N and not C”. Some gave me puzzling looks, some confused and some agreed with me. Then suddenly the most intelligent guy in my class who always came first said in a small voice, “Its ok, we all know your geography is a little weak. It’s Washington D.C”. Bloody Hell.
Once my fiancée and I were discussing the places to visit around the world and god knows how we landed up discussing Iceland. And suddenly he asked do you know where exactly it is located. Those were still early days for us and I was cursing my bravery to discuss something about which I had no clue of, half wishing that the conversation should have taken place over the phone atleast I could quickly turn to my faithful Google for my rescue. “Ummm, actually I am not sure”, I managed. Damn, is it a country or just a name of the place? How could I be so stupid? First thing I am doing today is learning all the names of the countries, their location and with some luck their capital’s too. “Not sure about what”?
“I am not sure about its location”.
“OK, atleast try in which continent it is located, well forget that tell me how many continents are there”. What the hell. I couldn’t understand his fascination with the location and continents and why were we having that conversation in the first place, it was time to be honest with him, wait I did know how many continents are there and I could name them all in my mind. Those mugging up sessions back in school came in handy. So I named them all and with a sheepish grin I managed may be it is located in North America or Australia, I don’t remember, but he was laughing his head off and I planned an immediate revenge. Never mind. He explained to me all about Scandinavian Countries thereafter. Now, I take a lot of interest in geography and keep updating myself every now and then.

SHAME

I just finished reading “Shame” a book by Jasvinder Sanghera (the fact that I am an avid reader I must start another section on my blog for book reviews). Well first things first, the book really made me think about the horrendous life some of the girls lead even in a progressive country like the UK.
I can’t even begin to imagine the plight of some girls; their upbringing makes them so submissive that they are never able to voice their opinions. On the other hand we have been taught to express ourselves, to tell the difference between right and wrong, to make our own decision.
This book is a true story of a Punjabi girl whose parents migrated to England back in 1950’s. Still nothing changed for them, they never made an attempt to know any one outside their Punjabi community, never tried learning the language spoken there and sent their daughters to school just because the laws were strict.
They did everything to pull down their spirits to remind them where they come from and what is expected out of them. A boy in such a family is always considered superior given all the luxuries and the freedom even if he is the least deserving of all. And the girls are expected to get married to strangers (as it is not considered proper for them to meet the possible suitor before marriage).
Jasvinder tells the horrible tale which is heart wrenching and sends a chill down your spine. It made me realize how lucky and privileged I am to be able to lead a normal life. The book made me cry, the one thing she ran away from was her family. I wonder if in time of need your family will not stand by you then who else you can trust and turn to in this whole world.